Rainy Haight

location: San Francisco, CA
time: feb 8, 2007 8:55pm
~~ lba ~~ -prev

I woke up with the typical why did i do that head, and the uneasy stomach. I laid in bed for what must have been an hour, draining my water bottle. That gave me the pressing need to leave bed desperately. I put on my pants and went in search of my free toast. I found it on the 3 floor, along with some shitty coffee and a small glass of OJ. Some of the other hostelers who were at the bar the night before asked me where i learned to dance like that. I replied “Electric Circus.” They weren't from Toronto so they didn't get the joke.

As soon as i had finished breakfast i left for the outside. It was overcast, and the wet streets told me that it had been raining. My mission for the day. Seek out that spot known as Haight and Ashbury. Armed with possibly the most sensical tourist map ever, I embarked on my little tour.

Up market to Haight, then up a huge hill. A bus slowed the operator gesturing to me that he would stop if i wanted a ride. I shook my head. Nah. “this is not worth $1.50” I said out loud to no one. I nearly ate my words as the road got steeper.

I got to lower Haight early all the shops were closed. So I took a deviant course into Beuna Vista Park. There were a ton of very gay men walking their dogs there. I talked with a few about Frisco, and how it seems to be a Bubble in America. They were all in agreeance that it is the closest place to Canadian liberalism in America. I stopped to pet a particularly slobbery dog with a rainbow collar. It was extremely chill appreciating the head pat. As i left the park I was swarmed by 16 barking mongrels. Their walkers apologized profusely.

Greyish hue

My first stop was at “coffee for the people.” The bitter grinds of the hostel had not satiated my thirst for the brown liquid. As i have no lock for the lockers at the hostel I had my laptop with me. I joined in with the other Zombies. Close to the strangest one in there. He was dressed in tight black leather, looking rather punkish with all the metal potruding from his outfit and face. When i said hello he looked up and wryly smiled when he saw the FREEEEK stickers on the front of my laptop. Then hee gave a sinister look and said “I'm a freak too.” He sure was with his chrome fang implants. His face frowned into Zombie mode as it angled back towards the screen in front of him.

Ameoba Records was the first and only consumerist stop on my list of things to do that day. Thank God it was the only thing. That place is ridiculous. For the first half hour of being there i could only find the CD's which were $6 and up. Extortion when buying used. Finally I noticed the racks under the racks that had the clearance CD's in them. $1.99 and down. Just the type i was looking for.

Halfway through the Rock section i was overcome by the urge to pee, the coffee and sixteen cups of water i had consumed were on the outs. I asked a clerk where the closest public washroom was. He told me McDonalds next door. I snuck in the back door. The washroom was locked. Curses. So i went in search of a key. The clerk told me i had to buy something. Damnation! buy a McDonalds product willingly, Nevar! Unfoutunatly my bladder wasn't in agreeance. It told me to get a shake and get the key. So i did.

I found out that it wasn't a key at all that i needed, but for the clerk to push a button that unlocked the door remotely. As i drained the lizard I slurpped at the small chemically strawberry concotion in my hand. My stomach gurgled at the ingestion.

Back to the Record shop. 30 minutes into the surfing the milkshake proved to be the worst mistake of my adult life. I always forget that lactose reacts badly to a stomach that had been abused with alcohol the night prior. The second washroom emergency. Again with the Mcshit. In through the back door again. As i entered the washroom door opened up. What great fortune! Hastily I did the tight anus shuffle to the door, stuck a long leg in as it was swinging to, and saved myself another gut-rotting purchase. I won't describe to you the 4 mega-ton explosion that happened upon connection of ass with diseased toilet seat. I will only say that i got there in time to spare the undies irrevocable damage.

The Record store once more. Another 45 minutes later and i had exhauseted all my will to dig through thousands of racks. I got $11 from my trade ins and spent only 89 new cents. The prizes: Bad Religion the early days, Dylan and The Dead, A piano Tribute To Neil Young, The Meat Puppets, Anti-flag, and a Fleetwood Mac Album. They all play beautifully too.

My second touristy thing to do was to get into the 60's mindset. I went to the park in search of this. A dirty dude, helped me out. Then I strolled back down Haight the psychedelia even more pronounced. I had a small conversation with a street punk in a door way over a cigarette. She was on her way up to portland, sparing some change there for the journey. I gave her half a buck for the road and the tail end of the Sixties.

A man stopped me down the road. He was putting on a TV show. It was a bit more puppety than TV. He was standing behind a booth with the frame of a television in front of his face. He urged me to stop for his routine so I did. His show was riddled with terrible puns, and equally as horrible props. It was great. The basic premise of the show was political. He had President Bush, and Dick Cheney cut-outs, and did hilariously terrible impressions of Texan accents. He talked mostly about reedin and ritin, and how no kid must be left behind. He had a rock which he used to make stoned jokes, and a pot which he used for pot jokes. The grand Finale came when he walked out of the booth turning around to show a picture of a beatifuly thonged ass on his ass that said the end on it. I tipped him two bucks.

not sure what it is, but it is cool

Back down the Hill. In the mood for a meander i started turning on interesting streets. twisting and turning all over the place with no real direction except down the hill. Soon enough i was back downtown. I stopped in at the hostel again. Typed for a while. Then hung out for a while at the party that wasn't happening. We just talked about absurd things. Like the girl who was saying that she met god, and how we needed to find a goose that lays golden eggs. The ridiculousness of idleness.

A couple people tried to coax me out the bar, I declined though. The night before had been exceedingly entertaining enough. In addition these dudes weren't a cute girl. So i stayed at the hostel and continued conversation with some other people who were hanging out.

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