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So here it is. The story of the dildo. Its strange as I am typing this, each time I enter the word dildo it becomes underlined. As if something were wrong with the word. Nah, word processors are just afraid of words sometimes. Odd you know that utterance was also underlined. "nah." there it is again. gees i should learn some real words then eh? "gees," "eh," are perfectly acceptable to this particular red line by the way. It must be Canadian.
Yes the story. The dildo. The red line.
It was a particularly sunny afternoon. I believe it was spring. the snow banks were melting. yes thats it. A wonderful day as i recall. I was walking home from my friend chris's house. Walking the main artery of b-town. New St. The sky was a bright shade of blue. I have walked the road many times. It has been my route back home from many an adventure. there wasn't much to note about most of the trip. I passed a couple of churches. a plaza or two. a million acres of suburbia, and a tim hortons or two. OH mr. red line don't like the hortons! stupid red line. argh yarrrr its all wrong. ahhhhhhh ! Gotta love the horton. That spell checker thing is evil. Its only purpose; to drive me nutz. again with the red line. nuts. There thats better.
deep calming breath.
back to the story.
I was walking past a church when i noticed a purple phallus. It didn't click at first I had a vague idea of what it looked like. When i first touched it, i was still pretty naive about the whole concept of the dildo. It really is an odd thing to find on the sidewalk in front of a church. A dildo. once i had the item firmly in my grasp some thoughts started to group and form ideas. Holy shit! I picked this thing up! God only knows where its been. Remeber i wasn't fully aware of where it had been. Had I known then what I know now I probably wouldn't have needed to ask god of his superior knowledge. I confess however, I had heard school yard talk of such and object. I knew the purpose of its design. well at least i had heard all the lore in swingset sessions several years before. This was the first time I had seen one in the non-flesh though. There was a nagging problem of having the thing in my hand. The problem presented itself with a question. What do I do with it now? I continued walking. A plan formed in my mind. Find a statue and incorporate the phallus into public art. As I had become a punk teenager of late, and in need of some serious rebellion
I didn't get far before I was stopped by the police. Serious. There I was walking phallus in hand. an unmarked car slowed down. Checked me out. And cut me off at the next side street. Both cops got out in their long tan coats. "what's that in your hand?" the closest one asked. "Oh thats just a dildo i found." I replied, and proceeded to throw it aside. They asked me a few questions about where i was going. They asked me for id. The "reason" they stopped me was, because a little old lady had been robbed at the Roseland plaza. They were curious to know if I had seen anything. I told them that I hadn't stopped by the plaza that day and hadn't seen anything.
They let me go having satisfied their inquest. I left the dildo at the side of the road. It had served its purpose. I had been caught with a dick in my hand.
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